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Avoidant attachment style: What is it, and how can you deal with it?

Individuals who develop an avoidant-dismissive attachment style have not been socialized to feel safe in deep emotional relationships.

People with this attachment style often strive to avoid closeness as much as possible. They try to hide their feelings when confronted by an emotional scene resulting from their caregiver(s) insensitivity to their needs as a child.

While someone with an avoidant attachment style may give the impression that they are gregarious and social, this does not indicate that they are at ease opening up about their feelings and ideas to others.

Although avoidant attachers value their independence above all else, they need to learn to trust others if they ever want to find the kind of relationship that would bring them happiness. Due to these factors, partnerships with an avoidant attachment style can be challenging to maintain.

Development of avoidant attachment style

According to attachment theory, a child is more likely to have a secure attachment type if he or she is raised in a nurturing and safe setting with attentive and responsive caregivers. These kids can assure their caretakers will be there for them no matter what.

But an avoidant attachment style emerges when a young kid believes that his or her caretakers are unresponsive to his or her cries for emotional connection and affection.

These parents or guardians may have been emotionally aloof from their child, discouraging him or her from showing his or her feelings. Even if the parents or caregivers of a kid with an avoidant attachment style didn't actively ignore the child, they were probably emotionally distant and unresponsive to the child's cries for attention.

The youngster initially insists on telling their caretakers that they need to connect to them emotionally. However, it seems to them that their pleas are always being turned down. Unfortunately, the more an avoidantly attached youngster tries to get close to others, the more their caretakers pull away since they cannot meet their demands.

When a kid attempts to form a close relationship with a caretaker are repeatedly met with hostility, the youngster adapts by learning to function without the love and attention they desperately need. They avoid social interaction and stifle their need for others' company by closing down their connection systems.

Identifying avoidant attachment style in relationships

Relationships with someone who has an avoidant attachment style can be challenging. Adults with an avoidant attachment style tend to be autonomous, goal-oriented, and resistant to deep relationships. On the whole, they give off an air of self-assurance and mastery, as if they could handle anything thrown at them.

People with difficulty forming attachments tend to succeed in their occupations.

A person with an avoidant attachment style may be well-liked because of how entertaining they are to be around. They have plenty of friends and never feel the need to reach out for help emotionally, but their relationships with others tend to be superficial.

Although avoidant attachers will engage in relationships, they won't really let the other person "in," making it difficult to be in a relationship with them. They put up barriers to keep people at a safe distance, preventing them from getting close emotionally and developing meaningful connections with others.

Moreover, when a love relationship develops into something deeper, the partner of an avoidant person tends to withdraw and close down. People like this could even try to find little reasons to break up with their partners, such as their partner's superficial behavior, looks, or somewhat irritating habits.

How to deal with avoidant attachment style in relationships?

It's important to remember that just because someone with avoidant attachment in relationships may shy away from public displays of affection and break up relationships when they get too serious, it doesn't imply they don't love their spouse.

The problem is that they were taught to suppress their feelings when they were young. They avoid public shows of affection and vulnerability. They may even stop a relationship because they continue to associate them with their childhood experiences of being punished for being emotionally close. The good news is that attachment styles are malleable and may be altered via knowledge and practice.

Recognizing the avoidant attachment triggers that typically activate this attachment type is crucial when working to resolve avoidant attachment in partnerships. By doing so, one can get insight into how external factors affect one's internal processes.

Tips to overcome avoidant attachment style in relationships

Developing trust

Someone with an avoidant attachment style may need to learn that some individuals are trustworthy before they feel safe enough to open up in a relationship. The ability to trust someone may be determined by disclosing trivial information to them. If they respond politely and don't tell anybody else, you might be able to trust them with additional personal information.

Focusing on personal space

Even in the happiest relationships, a person with an avoidant attachment style will likely need to set and enforce some limits. Taking some time apart might help them feel safer in the relationship and give them some much-needed perspective if they feel they have compromised too much on their need for space or when a quarrel is on the verge of escalating.

Focusing on communication skills

Successful and satisfying relationships depend on people being able to talk frankly and honestly about how they feel. On the other hand, avoidant attachers suffer from extreme anxiety about showing their feelings for fear of being judged or rejected. This anxiety can be alleviated if the couples who tend to withdraw from one another try to talk about their feelings in a way that both partners feel comfortable with and can manage.

Emotional therapy

If you have an avoidant attachment style, therapy can help you practice communicating your feelings in a comfortable and nonjudgmental setting. To overcome their avoidant attachment in relationships and learn more secure means of controlling their emotions, they can work together with a therapist to identify attachment triggers and develop coping mechanisms.


It is feasible for someone with an avoidant attachment style in relationships to develop more secure behavioral features via education, insight, and practice. It is possible that working with a therapist is the most effective means of developing learned security for some people. Some people may feel more prepared to deal with their problems when they discuss them with a spouse, a trusted friend, or a workbook. However, if a person with an avoidant attachment type is serious about making a change, they need to be consistent and make an effort.

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